in your head, for which I apologize. Well, except to Stef.

Yet more reasons the Lad and I are unfit parents...(click below for more!)

We don't know nursery rhymes. Or the kiddie songs. Or, uh, much of anything in the way of infantainment (actual word bandied about by the industry! please shoot me!). The other day Sean was tetchy in his swing, and so to distract him I grabbed his toes and started in on 'This Little Piggy'. I had no sooner said 'This little piggy' when two things happened: I had his undivided, expectant attention and I realized the only words I knew were 'this little piggy had rare roast beef'. So, I, uh, winged it, and merrily chanted:

This little piggy had an urban condo
And this little piggy lived in a commune
This little piggy had rare roast beef
And this little piggy was a militant vegan and had none
And this little piggy ditched work early

And I was fully caffeinated! I had no excuse! That's what the lad pleads when I shoot him the stink eye (no pun intended) over the ditty he came up with at 6 am the other day. Even if we could remember children's songs, I doubt either of one of us could remember the words before coffee or shower. At that hour, you can only remember really random crap or stuff which has been carved into your neurons via endless repetition starting at a young age, something that on your deathbed you'll be able to remember. But at that hour, you're punchy, of course, and so you substitute words. Which would be how the Lad came up with "The Poo Boat" Hearing it once was bad enough, but he's become rather fond of singing it such that I can hear it over the baby monitor. While I'm on a business call:

"Wench, let's talk strategy. This isn't a group of people we can just swagger in and wing it with."
Poo, exciting and new
Come aboard, we're expecting poo!
Poo, life's sweetest reward
Let it flow, it floats back to you!

*snort cough snicker*
"Wench?"
"Yeah Bob, morning allergies, sorry. Let's run through the financial scenar--"

The Poo Boat! Soon will be making another run!
The Poo Boat! Promises somepoo for everyone!
Set your course for pooventure
Your mind on a new poomance!
And poo, won't hurt anymore
It's an open sphincter on a friendly shore!

"Bob, can I put you on hold? Thanks. LAD, Cut that OUT! Hi Bob, back, sorry. What are the projections for 2005?"

Yes it's POO! It's POO! Wel-come-a-board it's POO!

"Wench? Is there someone in the background there yelling 'poo'?"
"Yeah Bob, my husband. You know. The Ph.D."
"Right."